Top Ten application, part three

TOP FIFTEEN THINGS OVERHEARD AT THE SUMMIT ON GLOBAL WARMING

15. Plans for a field trip to the brothel in Nevada that draws 10% of its power from solar energy

14. "Can we speed this up? I left my truck running and it's double-parked."

13. "Whoo, put your hand there! Now that's warm!"

12. "Jerry Lewis is the funniest person of all time."

11. "Two large ice waters, please."

10. "Ozone, schmozone. Did you get the keg?"

9. The quiet, gentle lullabye of environmental activists' fists hammering on the inside of 55-gallon drums out back

8. "If the greenhouse effect is going to produce tomatoes like that attendee from Finland, shovel on the coal!"

7. "Got a light?"

6. Members of the hired band arguing about whether or not to play "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes"

5. "Actually, burning sod is a viable alternative to solar energy."

4. "Now you're cooking with gas!"

3. That wacky Dr. Feldman going on and on about his "Pig Methane and Hamhocks" franchising idea

2. "They said that the ice cubes in these drinks came from genuine melted Alaskan glaciers!"

... and the number 1 thing overheard at the Summit on Global Warming:

1. "I love the smell of napalm in the morning."

(Third in a series: part one, part two)