Top Ten application, part two

Second in a series of retroblogging from 1997.

TOP ELEVEN WAYS TO TELL THAT YOUR SOCKS DON'T MATCH

11. Just "don't feel fresh"
10. Midget chicks at the local dive look the other way when you saunter in
9. "Use the Force, Luke!"
8. One hip wader left behind when buddies pull your drunken a** out of the mud flats
7. "Spiked Vietcong Sock of Death" usually requires stitches
6. Cars always veer to your *left* when night jogging on the median
5. I don't know, but that's the last time I show Michael Jackson where I stash my underclothes
4. Keep having to drop pom-poms to pull up one knee-high, but it won't come up any higher
3. When used as a filter, left sock mysteriously produces decaf
2. That blue-tick hound always goes for the leg with the Smurfs on it whenever you show up at Uncle Carl's trailer

and the number one way to tell your socks don't match ...

1. "But I *am* wearing the other sock!"